Dumb kids, dumber bumper stickers

Okay.  I have a beef that all you mothers and fathers who are insanely proud of your children’s accomplishments will probably hate and berate me for, but here goes.  What is up with those stupid, obnoxious “My kid is on the Honor Roll at Blah Blah Blah Middle School” bumper stickers?  Is making the Honor Roll really THAT huge a deal in this day and age that we have to read about your spawn of Einstein while sitting in rush hour traffic?  How grand an accomplishment can it be when half the minivans in the country are driving around sporting the same bumper braggers?  And with the continuing decline of education in America, is it really that difficult to be on the Honor Roll?  Hell, I was on the honor roll my entire life and look at me now: I just got back to work after being unemployed for a year and I spend my spare time ranting to the two people who read this blog (Hi Mom) about what irks me.  Wow… That was worth twelve years of busting my ass for good grades.  I saw a bumper sticker a few weeks ago that took the whole wonderchild thing up a notch.  It said, “Every kid deserves to be honored at Yadda Yadda Yadda Middle school.”  So just how effing stupid is your kid that you have to resort to THAT one!?  Why not just put a sticker in the back window of your Dodge Caravan that reads, “My kid is a major dumbass at the Too Lazy to Study School for Morons”?  And the “My child is a Presidential Fitness Award WInner” is a personal favorite.  I was a Presidential Fitness Award winner in high school.  Now I’m a single, overweight woman pushing 40 who sits at a computer all day and runs out of breath just walking the dog to the mailbox.  Your kid would be better off with the honor roll sticker.  But my all-time favorite, and the entire motivation for creating this rant, was a bumper sticker I saw on the back of a Honda Odyssey yesterday.  It read, “Parents are special at B**** R**  Middle School”.  Yeah… I bet they are.

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5 responses to “Dumb kids, dumber bumper stickers

  1. To the person who was clearly offended by my use of Jessica Simpson and ‘moron” in the same sentence, I apologize. I have changed that line, for I am not here to offend or upset. Quite frankly, I never thought anyone but our families would even read this thing! So again… my apologies and all the best to you.

  2. P.S. I share a birthday with Jessica, so I can’t think she’s all that bad!

  3. Parents are special? As in, “short yellow bus” special? Or, “I should be wearing a helmet 24/7” special?

    Actually, my special needs child hates the word “special”. She always puts air quotes around it when she gets any Special Ed paperwork.

  4. My personal favorite is, “My child beat up your honor roll child.”

    (I need to remember to peel it off before we advertise the car in the paper) 🙂

  5. Pingback: What a Smart Parent! « The Outhouse of Fun

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