Like so many women, I am not happy with most of my body. I’ve never had cosmetic surgery, but I have a fantasy of having everything from my knees to my eyebrows lifted, sucked, or tucked. One part of my body that I do like, however, are my calves. The Queen has always said I have nice calves, but I have only noticed it since I started Irish dancing. Spend hours up on your toes jumping around the room and you can’t help but have good muscles in your legs.
While the Baghdaddy was away, I decided to upgrade my “frumpy Mama” image. I had not gone downhill to the point of wearing sweats every day, but had gotten a little too comfortable in my jeans-and-t-shirt uniform with my sneakers. I’m not much into make-up and have short hair that looks the same every day, so it was easy to look like a tired mom who just didn’t want to make the effort. At the same time, with five kids I don’t have a lot of spare time. I needed some easy ways to add oomph to my daily persona.
At Target one day, I found a pair of black slides with high heels. I figured shoes would be an easy thing to change–and it doesn’t get much easier than slides. Plus, I think it just sounds sexy when you walk down the hall and make that “click, click” noise with the heels. (Not the usual squeak of my tennies.) I started wearing those most of the time with my jeans. I already felt hotter! The shoe shopping had only just started.
What Not to Wear pointed out that people should dress to show off their best feature. After mulling this, I decided to try more skirts with the high heels I was now collecting. Walking into church one day (Lord forgive me for the vanity!) I was checking out my reflection in the glass doors. I finally realized what I liked so much about the way I looked. I HAD BARBIE LEGS! Barbie’s feet are always so pointy and dainty looking in her vertiginous high heels. And Barbie has some nice calves. (If only I had Barbie thighs, too, but I shouldn’t get greedy.)
So I am enjoying my new look. I feel more attractive, and have gotten at least one person’s attention. I was at a large hospital one day and this older gentleman came up to me. When I say, “older”, I really mean he was four days older than baseball. And when I say “came up to”, I really mean he had to inch forward using his walker with the tennis balls on the feet. He finally got right up next to me and whispered in my ear, “Ma’am, when it comes to legs, Marlene Dietrich has nothing on you.” Sigh . . . I guess I’ll take it where I can get it.