An Open Letter to My Book Club


Wow, this is awkward.  Um, things aren’t working out and I think we should stop seeing each other.  No, it’s not you, it’s me.  Really.  I mean, how I wound up in a group with (mostly) atheist, non-Southern Democrats will remain a mystery of the ages.  We could only have less in common if you were all gay and child predators.  Don’t get me wrong–I enjoy friendships with all kinds of people.  Many of my friends exhibit one or more of the above-mentioned, um, quirks.  (Well, except for the child predator thing, I hope.)  We just don’t seem to be meant for each other.  You all are very nice and I like you a lot.  Just not in that way.  More like siblings, you know?  Like my taste in beer and wine, my taste in books is rather pedestrian.  That may be one of the things coming between us:  the fact that I skip reading the high-brow tomes and totally get into the trash (um, like the young adult vampire fiction.)  You deserve better.

Thanks for being nice but please, don’t try to call or text me.  Let’s not make this any harder than it already is, OK?  Good luck–I know you’ll find someone else who is the perfect person for you.

Always the best,



5 responses to “An Open Letter to My Book Club

  1. Honestly Mama, did you try to play nice? You could’ve asked me for help. This is my area of expertise. I would start by recommending the all time classic, best-selling book of all time, the Bible (and be sure to get a HOLY one!).

  2. Oh, Karine is going to kick you for that one!

  3. As a parting shot, you should have recommended House of Leaves.

    /weirdest book I’ve ever picked up
    //couldn’t get past 100 pages. Returned it to B&N

  4. I’m confused here. I thought it was common knowlege that all people in book clubs were atheist, non-Southern, democrats. First of all, who has time to read when you are serving the will of God. That’s kind of a full-time gig isn’t it? Second, we all know Southerners are too ignorant to read. All dem funny lookin letters is just all hog mash to mine country eyes. Lastly, republicans are way too busy counting their money and figuring ways to steal from the poor to read a book. Democrats have to read books in between their saving the world activities.

  5. John,
    You are totally living in the wrong place to be dissin’ us Southerners like that. When a large group of conservative, Southern Christians shows up on your doorstep and junk-punches you with no explanation, you’ll know I sent them.


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